Internal vs. External.

Came to a realization the last few days that probably won’t shock some of you. I used to be perceived, and actually used to be, more of an extrovert than I am. I am actually becoming quite the introvert. This transformation has been happening over the last few years I think but it is more pronounced to me lately. I can’t count how many social functions, parties, bar crawls, etc. that I have declined over the last few months. This is not necessarily me becoming more anti-social as I have a handful of people that I enjoy hanging out with. I still talk enthusiastically with these people. I will still attend social functions with them, but the number of people can be counted on one, maybe one and a half hands.

The interesting thing about this was at the end of my marriage (which I have avoided talking about here, but it was a major change in my life and deserves at least a little screen time here) I was hanging out with a lot of people at that time. Going out to clubs, parties, being social. It felt empty to me. Maybe at one point I needed that. But I don’t seem to anymore. For example the Sage Francis/Sole show was awesome. But I wasn’t there to hang out with the crowd, I was there to hear the music and hang out with the people I always hang out with. The four people I would probably be hanging out with if there were no show that night. I find myself hanging out alone, or with one or two other people a lot these days. I find it to be the most rewarding times. I am not to the point of having panic attacks when I am in crowds but I do find myself wanting to leave the crowded place. Having one or two people over, eating, drinking, shooting the shit, making music, or doing whatever it is that person and I usually do, that is what I find myself interested in these days.

How does this get a whole (much too long) post all to itself? Is this an interesting enough subject to carry a post? Probably not to you. But it is an interesting enough change for me that I have decided to expound on it.